When You Change, What Happens to Your Relationships?

I'm in a reflective mood again today and it's when I'm in this mood that I really take stock of my life and think about where I've been, where I am and where I'm going. I usually end up posting some kind of reflective status or photo on facebook, which I did today. And it's that that's caused me to reflect a bit more than I already was. I've realised today that such a big change in your life not only forces you to learn about yourself, but you also learn about your relationships with others. For my entire journey, I've been very lucky to have such an amazing support network.

My immediate family has, without a shadow of a doubt, been in my corner the whole time and been incredibly supportive.
My extended family have surprised me. I knew there would be a few that would, again, support me no matter what. The last text my grandad sent to me a month before he passed away this year was about how proud he was of me, how good I was looking and to keep it up. But then there were a few who have been very supportive when I didn't really expect them too. When one of them makes a comment or talks to me about it or how I'm going, it makes me very happy, because it's a side I've not really seen before (even though I kinda knew it was there somewhere).

The biggest lot of relationships I've seen be influenced by this whole change though is my friendships. You really learn about other people when you go through such a big change in your life. There are the people who you knew would be there from day dot and are incredibly supportive and you know they're not going anywhere and they're right there for you through this whole thing. There are the people who you thought would be supportive and behind you the whole way, but are only supportive on the surface when other people can see. There are the people who don't check in with you every so often, but when they do, it makes your day because you can see how happy and excited they are for you. And then there's the group of people that surprises you the most because you don't really know who's in that group on any given day. It's that group of people you don't really talk to that often or you might not really interact with but who seem to almost come out of the woodwork and "like" a post or photo on facebook or leave a comment. Those are the ones I almost love the most because it's like you may not speak to them much at all, but that little hit of the "like" button shows that they care.

The thing is though, your relationships change as you change. You become closer to some people because you're more open or confident or outgoing and your share more with them, whereas some of your other relationships start to break apart because you have changed as a person and what may have worked before doesn't necessarily work now. What I've noticed is that my relationships with the supportive, positive people in my life have gotten better and stronger because they are genuinely happy for me and I can see that, whereas the relationships that are starting to falter are the ones with people who have been less supportive than they could have been and I can see that they don't really care. It's caused me to feel very self conscious about talking about certain things around them because I feel like I'm boring them once again but I know it's the way they feel about me that's the issue and not something I can change. Realistically though, if they can't (or won't) accept the changes I've made and the person I am now, that's not my problem and I'm much happier and more "me" than I was before, so why should I have to censor the "real me" to fit everyone's preferences?

I've seen a lot of things this year about "breaking up with toxic friends" or "getting rid of the negative people in your life" and I understand completely, but it's not as easy as just "breaking up" or "getting rid" of someone because there are moments when it's good and the friendship is fine. I've always avoided conflict and I'm not about to start burning bridges, but if some of my friendships just drift apart because we're too different now, I'm prepared for that.

I know that I should have expected my relationships to change, but just how much they've changed sometimes amazes me. It'll be interesting to see what happens with them further down the track. Will the positive ones just get more positive and the negative get more negative or will something else happen? I guess time will tell.

Yes, Surgiversary is a word. And mine's today!

Ladies and gentleman, February 4th is a date that will always be a special date to me. It's the anniversary of my weight loss surgery (more about that here if you're interested), so I decided to call it my "surgiversary".

A quick Google search told me that it is, in fact, a word and seems to be a word used by those who have had surgery (most of which seemed to be weight loss surgery). I get the whole idea of wanting to give it a name and to acknowledge the date - it's got a special spot in my heart because it's the day I got a second shot to do life right.

Me before, during and a week ago

I sometimes can't get over how much my life has changed in one year. Obviously, the biggest thing has been my weight and it's something that I can't really escape. It plays on my mind often enough, whether it's me noticing something new or thinking about where I was, or thinking about where I am now. It still sometimes amazes me at all the small things that have changed because I changed my weight.

The biggest difference is that I am much, much happier. I remember being so depressed and being in a really dark place when I was overweight and there were nights when I would cry myself to sleep because I just didn't know what to do and I didn't want to live my live as that fat person because it limited so much. I got very good at portraying the happy, bubbly, outgoing person that most people saw most of the time (unless you really knew me and saw my down moments too), but my self-confidence was absolutely trashed. I hated myself so much that I have no doubt I would have self-harmed (there were moments when I wanted to and nearly did) had I not been too chicken to deal with the pain. I felt like majority of my friends were "fake" and only tolerated me because they were friends with someone I was genuine friends with, because I didn't understand how people could genuinely be my friend.

Good news is, my mood and attitude these days is pretty much completely the opposite. Most of the time, I am now the person whose image I used to project - happy, bubbly, outgoing and confident. I am able to say now that I do look good (not all the time, but no one is perfect!) and I have enough faith in myself these days to do what I want and go for the things I want. It's almost indescribable how big my change in mood and attitude has been, but it's what I've loved most about the whole journey.

One of the things I have been very conscious of along the way is sharing my story. I don't want to go into overkill and be someone who talks about just that all the time, but I have absolutely developed the mindset of being very open about it and talking honestly about it all with people. People are always asking questions, because they're naturally curious about it and I have had several times where people have preempted their question with "please don't be offended by this" or "you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but..." and I always assure them that they don't need to be concerned about that and I'll answer whatever questions they have. Want to know what I weighed to start with? What it felt like after the surgery? Want to see the scars? Want to know why I chose the sleeve over the lap band? Or even what the difference is between them? What else had I tried to lose weight before? I will answer pretty much anything now and I don't really care how personal it seems.

My theory is that if I can help just one person make a positive change in their life, then it's all worth it. I've had a few moments like that already where people have told me they consider me to be an inspiration, I've had people using me as a source of information while considering the surgery themselves (I was so lucky to have someone like that myself, because I asked them so much beforehand and it really was one of my best sources of information) and I've even posted a photo online of one of my scars, but then saw a friend of mine posted a picture of themselves and said seeing my photo had inspired them to take theirs and post it and I can't explain how much that meant to me when I saw that.

In addition to all the other changes I've been through, within the last month or so, I've really started to get into the gym and actually working out and it's blowing me away at how quickly I'm seeing results from that. I'm not talking just the numbers on the scale, but my blood pressure and heart rate (which is currently my favourite thing that's improving because of how much better it's getting!) as well. I've said all year that the surgery is the best decision I've ever made and I think my 2nd and 3rd best decisions were joining the gym and getting a personal trainer. Stadium Fitness is fast becoming one of my most (dare I say it?) favourite places and even if I'm in the crappiest mood, it doesn't last long when I walk in there. Yes, I'm going to give this place a shameless plug because I was the most anti-exercise, anti-any-activity-that's-good-for-you person I knew and if I can say what I've just said above about going to the gym, then they've gotta be doing something right there. So, if you're looking to join a gym or switch gyms and East Perth works for you (FYI, this place is open 24/7, so even if you work in the city and want to stop by before/after work), then check out Stadium Fitness here - if not for any other reason than because I told you to (and then you can thank me when you join up).

I don't know where the journey will go from here or what will happen, but I'm excited about it. Part of me wants to wait until I get down to my goal weight and get everything finished and sorted and then look at doing something to help out other people with their journeys, however that may be. I find writing this blog every so often gives me an almost therapeutic release and while sometimes I worry about the length of a post and it being too long, I've toyed with the idea of almost writing a book about the surgery, the process and my journey, but I'm not too sure yet. Who knows, maybe I'll end up some kind of successful author or life coach one day (although I do admit the idea of me being a life coach makes me laugh...)! Whatever is in store though, I say BRING IT ON!!